内疚

昨天，让我发现了一个我一直以来都没发现到的问题。。。
而这件事到现在就一直困扰着我。。。
而让我再次失眠了。。
为什么要让我遇到这样的人？
为什么要让我觉得内疚？
为什么要让我觉得之前的我很过份？
为什么我一直要不知觉的伤害他、令他难堪？
为什么他要一直这样容忍我？

现在的我已经没颜面再出现了。。
我觉得别人在说我时，我会觉得很没脸；
而他呢？面对我的无理取闹，仍然嬉皮笑脸。。。
这是我最不能原谅自己的。。。

我突然很讨厌自己，
也很恨自己。。
讨厌自己的看不开；
讨厌自己的小气；
讨厌自己口无遮拦；
讨厌自己在说话时没顾虑到别人的感受。。。


为什么？为什么我要变成这样？！
我情愿现在有一个人可以把我骂醒。。。
我也不想这样。。。

现在的我，到底该怎么办啊？？？ =(

Christmas Eve + Mun Ling's Bday Celebration~

Wohoo~ yea, one of my old old friend, mun ling, her birthday was on 24th dec~
mean during christmas eve, of course we will remember it was her birthday too!!!

Well, since this year slightly different than previous year, coz she is going to step in 21st years old!
so sin yee and I plan to have a celebration with her lo~
No present as well, but the meals were not cheap though~ ok? so, it's fair! =)

Yup, we having the celebration at Silver Spoon restaurant where is stated at menjalara there~
(suppose before that we plan to celebrate at Bel Pasto Italian Restaurant at metro prima, but there was a very traffic jam at kepong area since the traffic lights were out of service after the heavy rain!)
Plus, we felt very hungry during that time,
In the case of no choice, we choose to make an U-turn and toward to Sliver Spoon Restaurant at menjalara with someone suggestion..
I want to tell something here is I thought it was a place where only selling spoons or something related dinner set when I saw the shop from the outside~ LOL

After we went in, only realised that suppose need to reserved place, (coz it's christmas eve mah, of course there will be lots of family or couple going to celebrate together lo~)
Luckily, we arrived early, around 6.30pm like that,
so still got free places can fit us in la~ =D
We have spent around 1 1/2 or 2 hours in the restaurant,
coz we chit-chat alots during eating, then desserts and drinking~
when the time getting late, there is more and more customers came in~
for those who didn't make reservation, they need to wait for places,
but then we don't care at all, keep on chating, and capture~ hahaha!
I wondering they ( the boss and those who waiting for places) also will think that why 3 of us still got mood to stay so long time while some of customers who came late than us also went back after finished eating~ Hahahah!
LOL, we don't care, coz we need to pay more money leh, of course need to spent lots of time on enjoying the foods and environment la!

Here is some pictures~

Lol, it's me~=P

There's our meal~ we share it together~
1st one=RM 29, 2nd one= RM 27, and 3rd one= RM 33
(sorry that I've forget the name~ T_T)




Tadaa~ our meals and drinks~ forget the name, but then still remember it was mocktail~ nice! RM 15 per glass...


Our desserts, Tiramisu~ =D RM 16 per one


This is the Birthday girl!


Sin yee and I,


After ate, there is the only one we capture together in front of the mirror~ =)


After that, the time still early, just around 8.40pm like that~
we went to Desa Park City have a walk and continue capture pictures again~
Seriously, it was my first time to Desa Park City leh~ =.=lll
then we went back lo~
Coz tired jor~

Anyway, Merry Christmas to everyone! ^^

P/s: Well, I would like to announce here that I'm seriously broke after today before I get this month salary~ Ishhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..... T___________________T

Useless me...

Today is christmas eve..
and yea, suppose to be happy..
yet I'm already try to leave all those unhappy things at side...
yup, seriously don't know why these few days feel kinda stresses!
even I don't understand why those unhappy or unlucky things keep on looking for me?! =/

No matter how those stresses keep on coming near to me,
I just be quiet and moody only,
I will try to tell myself not to cry,
must hold, and all will be alright later...

who knows, my boss today coming back from trip,
once he arrived he direct call and ask me how about these few days during working..
at starting I still act like nothing happened and feel happy when heard he was back,
when he ask me about working, I just keep quiet on the other side..
and yea he told me he roughly know what had happened on me,
because his wife has told him a bit before that when she saw what status that I've posted on FB..
He understand I might not be convenient to talk lots in phone,
so that he said will call me later,
ask me don't feel unhappy...

Who knows, after put down the phone,
my tears come out from eye suddenly
Ishhhh, I cry?
Although it's just a while, but then at least feel better...
feel like finally i found the way to express out all those unhappy things which keep in my heart these few days..
But I still feel I'm useless enough..
why I have to cry??? =(

Doing nothing ='(

In fact, I also don't know why I'll be here~
somemore I feel like I'm nothing in the office~ especially I have done all the things that my boss asked me to do and I saw other clerks seem like very busy..
Me? yea, online + facebook + even bring along the notes and study...
I don't mind he gave me lot of jobs to do and busy like hell,
yet, I just don't hope to facing some of the questions as like others keep on asking me: "Is he got lot of things to do?" or "He pay you sat here?"
yea, that's what another people ask me just now again..
Without doubt, my boss and even some of my colleagues ask me just ignore them,
don't bother what they said and ask..
But the problem is, I can't ignore my self-respect...
that is I need to help people do something as the person pay me!

I understand my boss is trying to help me...
He knew I'm facing financial problem so that he offer me as his assistant,
but then I really hope that I can help but not just sat over there and do nothing!
I hope to find someone chat, but then I can't be the one who disturbing those who busy..
plus, I'm not asking to chat and talk lots with salary given..
So I choose to be quiet, online and study at the corner..
but some of them keep on came near to me and see what I'm busying for?
To be honestly, I even started to feel embarrassed when I was sitting there...

Haiz... I'm very unhappy now!!! ='(

Lunch at Shangri-La Hotel!!!

We went to Shangri- La hotel for lunch with my clinic colleagues under boss treating~ Hoho~
Seriously, I ate lots on that day~ because I'm good in mood and the most important things is the foods are nice yet under accompany with a cute girl~ So both of us keep on grab the foods!!! =D

Here are some simply pictures I took on that day, sorry for I took so few lo~ coz paiseh neh~ >.<
See, so many people~ =)
Nice view~ in dessert part~ =D

These are the dessert I "grab" on that day~ Yummy~ ^^


To be honestly, the foods are nice and we ate till so full on that day~
Ish~ I know my weight has been increased immediately after this meal due to over intake~ huhuhuhu~

淡忘中~

不知不觉，又四个多月了~
慢慢的，从之前的愤怒，变成生气甚至讨厌，到现在已经气消了和冷静了~
到目前，不知怎的，我依稀还记得那件事的发生，
本来是开心的一个聚会到最后不欢而散。。。

我生气，是因为他们的不诚实；
我无奈，是因为他们的表里不一；
最令我愤怒的，是最后男方告诉我同事的一句：“我还是觉得那女的比较可怜...”
听到这一句，同样身为朋友的真的感到很心冷了，
他什么情况都还没了解到，单听单方面的说辞就已经下了判断。
无可否认的，事实上可能真的可能是他说对了，
但我很不能接受他的处事过程，对别人说女方怎样可怜、怎样诉苦之类的，
但对我，他却只字不提，
就连为什么我会如此生气都不曾过问过。。
这对我真的很不公平。。我当时真的生气！

我选择退出，是因为不想再理了；
我选择沉默，是不想再给任何意见；

好了，现在不知不觉过了这么久了，
再怎么生气，也气饱了，
原来气一个人也真的蛮辛苦的，
多一个朋友怎样都比多一个敌人好，是不？
算吧算吧~ 一觉睡醒了过后还是朋友！！=)

BMS~ =(

I don't know it's my study way wrong or my brain cells degraded?
I don't understand it's not enough time for me to prepare or it's too many things to memorised?
It's a lots of why appear in my mind now and even I also don't know why!

I scare I will failed;
I scare I need to re-sit the paper;
I scare I need to re-take the whole new sem;
and yea, I scare to waste lots of money on study... since I know that my dad was unable to cover the whole course tuition fees, moreover, to re-take?

I told my friend, they ask me should not think too much, just let it be since it adi passed..
but my brain tell me that I can't,
damn stupid thing...

Cry, it help nothing for me now..
what I need to do now is just keep on study, study and still study,
to ensure that all these thing from the notes can fit into my brain...
And yea, there will be few more papers to go~
and i don't dare to imagine how it will be~
same as the BMS?
Damn... -ve thinking again!
IT should be better than BMS! should I think so?

If the result release out and I really need to re-sit for one paper,
well, I will still go for it~
Hope that there's only one BMS I need to re-sit and NOT ALL..
and yea, hope that I can get through the re-sit for BMS and not going to re-take the whole sem! ok?!
PRAY HARD For myself now~~~~~!!!!!

The days while we posting at P.D

In that periods while we were in posting at Port Dickson, it can be said happy and yea of course some of unhappy there~ (Just minority la~) Happy is due to I can learned how to be independent when staying outside and with friends. Yea, I do appreciated that they did taught me lot of things and gave me support when I was in depressed mood.

For unhappy thing is ...... I'm not going to talk much here, it's due to someone personal problem. What I dislike is she never discuss with us for what she going to do, and it's suddenly happened on the last week of our posting at P.D. Why it can be happened suddenly? And yea we also hope to know why. Alright, I'm not going to restrict for what she want to, but then hello, for some of the things that we need to share together, you at least need to talk or discuss with us before do or on it, can?! IT'S NOT YOUR OWN HOUSE but we SHARE! Finally we able to see the true face of this person, and this is still not a thing to be happy. But we really can't stand it then only ignore this person. Ishhh~~

Alright alright, I don't want to continue with this person topic anymore. I want to share something here

Yea! It's our dinner! =D

Steamboat? Yea, sure! Soup and tomyam!



The last dinner for our posting at P.D~ and we ate til gonna to vomit~ coz it's too FULL!!! =.=lll

Here all our lunch and dinner pictures when we staying and cook it at home~ (mostly were dinner~) It looks simple but nice! =D

Yea of course, we went out and looking for seafood at restaurant too! It's damn nice and it was my first time to ate so many times crabs within 3 weeks! It's 3 times!!! Woohoo~ ( before that I seldom to eat crab at home~ because it's expensive~ T_T) so those pictures will try to upload later if I'm free k?

See yea! =D

Yor~ I'm back~~

I'm back!!! Finally I'm back!!! Yea yea, I know I'm lazy enough la~ skipped the blog for almost 1 year plus!!!

Ok la, sorry la, and especially to that Phui Yen la, ( the one who keep on ask me to update the blog~)

Ok la, and I promised, from now onward I will try to update the blog always ok? ( As if I able ~ =P)


P/s: this post suppose being posted it early, but then too busy, after wrote just leave it as draft, so now only post it out, is it still available?

Pp/s: Not only this, still few more posts too~ =.=lll ( ok, no need to mentioned it again, I know I'm lazy enough~) Chill~