怎么啦？

有时我发觉我是一个什么是都藏在心里的人，
不是我不说，而是我发觉就算说了也没人可以帮得到我；
有时是没人会听我说...
所以一旦我忍无可忍时一说了出来，
就不是每个人都可以接受得到。

对，我承认我的处理方式不是每个人都可以接受的。
我开始不会怎样去做人了，
也不懂该摆出一个怎样的脸去面对别人。

最近我做出了一个很不理智的做法，
就是隐瞒。
为什么我会隐瞒呢？
第一是，我不想让我那位朋友想太多；
第二，就是不想让太多人知道这件事；
第三是，说太多惹得我朋友不开心，到最后就变成我是惹事的那个人。
但是很明显的是，我又做错了。
以为不说，就能瞒天过海；
以为避开她，待我处理好思绪后再找个机会慢慢说给她听；
很不幸的，被她发现到我的不对劲，惹得她想的更多，
我不懂她有没有说给她男友或她的好友听，
如有的话，惹出这件事的人又是我。

但当我好不容易说了出来后，却得不到任何答复。
现在换我来想她在想什么？她怎样啦？还好吗？生气吗？还是什么啦？
我每天都在想。
甚至还在想，我们还算是朋友吗？？

以为我隐瞒，隐瞒到很开心吗？
我连身边的朋友都没有说出来...
你又懂一个心事憋在心里说又不敢说出来的痛苦吗？！
如果你是我，你又会怎么做？？？

complicated complicated~

First of all happy Chinese New Year to everybody~~
but hor.. don't know why I'm not in cny mood at all! Ish...
why ah?
just know that these few days keeping on followed my parent went to relative's house "bai nian" only...
boring man...=(

and yea, don't know is me think much or what...
I found that the distance between me and another person getting far and far away..
why ah? I don't know why too..
still remembered one of my buddy yen asked me before, why I can be so good with that friend..
and now even me also found that I'm not as close as with that friend anymore...
can anyone tell me why ah?
I just know that is me always try to find that friend for keeping in touch with each other.. but if I didn't find her, I think she won't find me at all...
Under this condition, I think this relationship can't be stay long lo...
Hmmm.. I don't know how to say too.. maybe it's my problem too??

Between, I starting to try to put down some negative thinking...
Coz I found that when I'm feel that I'm the unlucky one, there might be someone more unlucky than me on the another hand..
If compared with them, I think mine one just a small matter..
plus, I should try to make some changes from mistakes, to make it more better..?

不正常的我

有试过好像类似一无所有般的感觉吗？

有试过好像类似人间消失般的感觉吗？

有试过好像迷失自我般的感觉吗？

有试过好像欲哭无泪般的感觉吗？

有试过突然同时间有完以上的感觉吗？

怎么突然觉得自己变得很可悲般？

突然有种不正常的感觉，到底是什么呢？？？






















那就是......突然想去上班！！！哈哈哈！

尤其是那种忙到不可开交那种！！！我无所谓！！

开始又变得不正常了！哈哈哈！！！

To the one I hurt... =(

I know it's my fault for suddenly leave you away...

I can guarantee that this time not all of your problem...

I seriously glad that you have found your happiness...

I'm not going to hide any secret from you..

but just don't hope to make you think much more unhappy things only...

Yea, I'm not saying I want to reject you as my friend..

It's because you're really my friend then I only seriously hope to settle it well before appear in front of you...

At last, I just hope girl you stay happy with your love one...

Just give me some time to settle my problems first ok?

If you really hope to know what had happened,

I promise I will tell you at the future time when I able to leave it down.. k?

Why I want to do so, I have my own reason..

Sure, I can understand that maybe my way was wrong and also not fair to you...

Yet, I know you might be think that I'm selfish enough..

Yea, I'm sorry for doing such thing on you...

I'm sad too.. because I can't tell and share with anyone..

Plus, I seriously sad when I found that you've blocked me from fb too..

Lastly, really sorry la girl... ='(

If you really hate me to do so on you, I can understand how your feel.. seriously..

Thinking much again...

Don't know why these few days there are lots of changes in my minds..
Hahahah, sometimes really think that I "sendiri cari pasal"..
at the end is "padan muka"..

Alright, lets talk back what I did in these few days..
22th and 23th jan:
worked as crew for feng shui seminar and astrology at KLCC..
from 7am to 6pm..
quite tiring actually, need to wake up at around 5.45am.. ish...
luckily my job not so hard actually,
just need to sat in a room with others colleagues and print those bazi chart.
yea, those chart with customer's date and time of birth.
quite a easy job..
but then when my friends who worked with me (but in different area) heard that I can print out the chart ,
so they keep on ask me to print out the chart with their date and time of birth.
they said want to ask those feng shui consultant lo..

When I'm still in first day, I don't dare to walk around la..
but in the second day, mean the last day of seminar,
plus under with my friend encouragement,
I really ran to consultant area there, show them my bazi chart and ask them about myself.
and of course, lee wei was beside me..
she is the one who keep on ask me go there since she worked as time keeper with consultant..
Not only me, lot of crews and colleagues also ran to that area for asking consultant about their future things.. the most important thing is the consultation was FREE!!!
*of course, only available for us who worked as crews only!

Seriously, I don't ever think that what the consultant said was so true for me.
no matter on my behaviour, personality or anything about me,
it totally.. true!
Not bad not bad..
I can learned lot from this event, and yea if there is any event for this company,
sure I will join again!

24th and 25th jan,
these 2 days kinda unlucky..
I get sicked for these 2 days after the event, ish...
some more this point really same like what the consultant said that day,
he keep on mentioned and asked me better drink more water,
since my immune system not so well..
so this point bingo again! haiz...

and yea these few days, I really feel stressed..
stressed until don't know how to said...
I don't know why there will be lot of things happened on me..
I don't know how to handle it, and how to accept it..
yet don't know how to said it out..
these few days I keep on thinking why I become so unlucky?
Where is my luck? and when it will be back to me?

Between, sorry to my girl..
I'm not going to escape from her..
but just I don't know how to talk to her.. and even face to her...
Will it help if I said it out?
as I know, it won't..
I think just will make her think much more only..
Aiks.. it's okay then..
Since her luck has starting, then just don't want to disturb her..
just let it be..
I know she was trying to help me..
just like that day purposely go sing k with me..
when sing til half way, my tears still coming out without control..
Useless me...
Of course, I think she will thought that I'm hating her or what..
seriously no.. but just... aiks..
I don't know how to said...
For her own good, I think I better disappear for temporary...
to avoid me and her think much more...

Maybe really like what the consultant said,
sometimes too over on helping others at last will bring lots of sadness and trouble to your own.
Yet no one will understand and appreciated for what you've did for them..
Meanwhile, talk too much may hurt other peoples only..
So, since no one can help me..
then I just keep quiet better..
Hope the time will help me to forget it...

Bye..

I have to said bye to my coursemates due to the mistake that I did on my EOS exam and re-sit...
Because of the mistake,
=> I spent around RM500 for the re-sit fees..
=> I cried for the whole day since I unable and don't know how to accept the truth..
=> I need to said bye to my course mates, I have unable to continue with them in the journey anymore..
=> I have to re-start for beginning again.. just because of ONE subject.
=> I don't know what I should do now..
=> I don't know whether I should continue or not..
=> I need to spend more no matter money and time than others..
=> and a lots I don't know how to describe here..

Just I feel like I'm very very useless..
although my parents didn't blame on me, but still encourage me to start from beginning..
but I unable to forgive myself..

I seriously hope that I may pass..
I really did put lot of efforts on preparing the paper..
I really tried my whole best to put in all the answer that I remembered..
I really thought at least I can get pass..
But the truth told me that I'm failed...
Such a big joke on me..

When I think back and look back on the notes,
I found out I missed out lot of main points and did lot of spelling mistakes on the paper..
I feel like I'm really useless enough..
WHY I BECOME SO CARELESS?!

What I do now is just know to cry, stare blankly, think and doing nothing...
Although now I'm not crying anymore,
but when the school day coming near, I just can cry...
because I knew that I was unable to continue with my course mates anymore...
and this is the truth happen on me currently!
Even my colleague saw me also keep on asking me why my eyes become swelling..
Who can teach me how to answer?!

Now I have to understand,
course mate become my senior, and my future junior become my course mate..
WHat to do?!!!

LOL...

This week suppose the last week I stay in LYS agency...
and I can't even imagine that I can stay and hold for one month...
Hahahhah... such unbelieveable for me...

Hey yea, I got something feel like share here..
One of the unit manager, Mr Jacky la..
so far as I know he is the one quite closeness..
still remember when I'm worked as general clerk at there,
my another colleague, ms chong and I always said he's very "ugly"..
Of course at here "ugly" this word not mean for his look, but his "behavior"..
This is due to both of us can't tahan his closeness!

He won't simply waste and spent money on others, even to himself..
But then the most admirable is,
to his wife, he can provide the best to his wife,
especially during wedding time..
no matter on take photo, rent for wedding gown, wedding dinner, honeymoon and etc...
He really spent lots as long as his wife happy..
remember he told me about himself when he was young,
very poor and work for many jobs yet this include worked as cleaner too!!!
so he understand the important of money in this world,
and that's why the person he most appreciate is his wife!

Back to the main point,
this few days he keep on ask me to make a cup of tea with his tartary buckwheat.
Then I kidding and said that then can I make a cup for my own after his one?
He said no problem and I thought he was kidding la..
and didn't bother him la..
who knows just now when I watching video,
he came and ask me help me make a cup of tea,
then I said no problem la and he quickly bring his cup and the tartary buckwheat,
after put the tea on his table, he ask me whether got cup or not then make a cup for myself..
I said I didn't bring la,
then he borrow me a cup and pass me the tartary buckwheat,
Seriously I get shocked because I thought he was kidding!
Although this is not the first time he treat me drink la,
but then this time my identity was different, I'm helping an agent work but not an general clerk who can help him before leh!
Plus hor, this can of tartary buckwheat not cheap lo~

Here is the picture~




However, a big thanks to him lo~ ^^

Gathering

Last night, I went to Moe de cafe again...

I even didn't realise that they will choose that place...

But this time is different, it's due to this time is with different people...

Although the place is same,

but there are few different than before no matter on feeling, peoples and their uniform...

we spent almost 2 hours in there..

chat lots and laugh lots...

especially when we play the play cards,

totally out of control...

Hahaha! nice!!!

心情复杂的一天

今早一早考完试后，
其实应该是松了一口很大的气，
毕竟终于考完了，
问题其实还好，
不会很简单，就幸好有准备到，
应该比上次还好一些而已，
因为起码我还想到东西写进纸上。
目前，该烦恼的应该还是成绩，
虽然我没有遗漏任何一题，但毕竟有一些答案我还是不肯定的，
所以就很担心......

第二，应该只是一个小问题，
对我应该也不会有很大的影响，只是......我也不懂怎么说。
起初我收到一个男同事的短讯，希望我考试顺利，
我当下只是想到的有两个：怎么用英语祝我啊？（当然我的意思不是说他连一些英语也不会啦，只是我们之间交谈都是习惯于华语）
然而就是:怎么突然那么好啊？也很意外，过后就谢谢他咯。
但是回复却令我当下愣了一下，原来是我朋友用他的手机来传短讯给我。
我当时第一个反应就是：庆幸我刚刚没乱写些什么，不然岂不是尴尬死？
虽然我也不会写些什么不见得光的秘密，但毕竟对待每个朋友的方式，
无论是交谈还是对待态度都是不一样的...
明明以为是那个人，但到后来才发觉原来是另一个人，感觉不会很怪吗？
再说，你也不懂对方会不会以你们的交谈当话题......我知道她不是这样的人啦，但......就心里始终会觉得很奇怪咯.......
所以说，通常在用别人电话传短讯时，习惯上都会表明自己的身份，免得别人的误会，不是吗？
再说，当你在跟一个不是用着自己电话的人传短讯时，都会有所保留吧~
感觉就是.....我也不懂怎么形容这件事~唉......

第三，就是一个最令我光火的，同时也发飚！
话说晚上七点我帮我妈接我表弟和妹放学，因为刚补完习嘛......
Metro prima那里通常这个时候都会很塞车的......
Flat 那里有停满了车，心想没办法了，就只好停在路边等他们下来吧，
我是自认没阻碍到交通啦，但这时在塞车期间，竟然有一辆警车从我车旁走过，
还按喇叭示意我把车驾走，那我就只好假装出信号灯要走咯，
刚好有红灯了，所以我也出不去，就一直赖在那里吧~
好不容易看到警车开走了，那我也不用把车移开咯，因为我一旦移开就必须绕一个大圈回到原位。但心还是会担心警车倒回来吧~
我想打给表弟他们，但又担心他们在上着课，就为由继续耐心等待咯。
没多久， 我就看到他们两个出来了，但就一直谈天，而且他们前面还停着一辆车，所以就没留意到我啦……
我就想到打电话给他们，怎知各别打了一通电话给他们，他们还是没留意到，还一直在高谈阔论。
我这一边就着急得如热锅上的蚂蚁，一直在想着怎样才能吸引到他们注意力，按喇叭吗？他们一定是以为是别人按的，毕竟那里那么多车；派人下车叫他们吗？车上又只有我一个人；下车吗？我怕阻碍到别人，毕竟我是停在路边......
在无计可施之下，我惟有立刻管掉汽车引挚，立刻跑下车过去喊他们吧~怎知就在我也匆匆忙忙过马路时，竟没留意到有辆摩托向我的方向驶来，就差那么一点就被他撞到...
说真的，我当时也吓了一跳。
幸好最后也没事啦，但这令到我更为光火，我过到去一见到他们就直接对着他们大骂一顿！！！
我知道我是有点过火，但当时我真的是气到出烟！连他们那么多学生同时放学之中，我也认出他们两个；他们就看不到我的车吗？！
哼，他们要讨厌我就讨厌够吧！我也很生气！什们心情也没有啦！哼！=(

What I did on year 2010?

1st, I'm glad that finally I can further study at Uni's life~
although the tuition was expensive enough, but those lecturers, doctors and professors are nice~ ^^
but the most sad thing is, why I still can get failed in exam? somemore BMS related to bio term.. ish.. how comes huh? eventhough I've skipped for one year study, but it shouldn't be a good excuse for me to get failed right?! Ishhhhh!!!
Alright, still one more chance for me to re-sit, hope this time I can get passes lo~ =D
** not kidding, I must get pass!!!!! Please pray hard for me although I'm praying hard for myself everyday now!!!

2nd, seem like always get emo~ =(
Why ah? Somemore serious than last year~
Ishhh~ it should not be anymore~
Must try to avoid it in this whole new year 2011!
Life is getting better but not getting worse! =)

3rd, glad that there always lot of friends around me when I'm unhappy......
Always consult me when I take things too hard;
Gave me opinion when I get confused;
Taught me when I did something wrong;
Support me when I need it;
Help me when I'm in trouble;
Listen to me when I got lot to share; and etc...
wow, it's really lots to share when talking about them!
Do appreciate them lots for being with me always besides my family!
Thanks and love you all!! =D

4th, I have to work more hard on both study and working in this year 2011...
Study hard for not wasting money on re-sit anymore,
yet don't let my family and lecturers get disappointed on me!
While working hard for earning more and more money,
try not to let my parents stress about financial problem,
although I can't help much but I willing to try my whole best to help!
At least must be better than last year!

Anyway, should throw away those unhappy and start the whole new year with hope and happiness!
And yea, I should be more mature in thinking and not to easily get influence by others! =D
See yea! ^^